Matchmaking Ain’t Nothin’ But a Family Thing: Return of the Yenta
Originally posted on sexreally.com while I was still in grad school.
Well friends, here we are at the end of our little trilogy. I know you are as surprised as I am that I was able to blog about matchmaking and Star Wars for three weeks straight (four if you count the prologue). Let’s just say it is a testament to my nerdiness… I mean, to my diverse taste in movies. Also to a childhood spent with Little Buddy. You should ask him about the time I beat him at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit. Who da man? This guy!
Anywho, I’m sure you were a little nervous about me meddling with such a notable cultural icon; I shared your anxiety. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic: “What if they don’t get it? What if I can’t remember the plot to Star Wars? What if Jabba the Hut freezes me in carbon and there is no one to finish the blog!?!?” Luckily, you seem to get it, I couldn’t forget the plot to Star Wars if I tried, and someone would totally finish the blog if Jabba the Hut froze me in carbon. You would, right?
So without further ado, Return of the Yenta. (Please cue epic music.)
Little Miss Witty returned from her home town having narrowly escaped the clutches of her mother, who is constantly trying to set her up with boys she deems “nice.” Little did she know, her mother had secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more powerful than the first Death Star. I mean … crafting a new plan to marry her off. Same difference, really.
Me: “How was your trip?”
Little Miss Witty: “Good! I got to see a lot of friends.”
Me: “How is your mom?”
Little Miss Witty: “Yentaing.”
Me: “Are we using that as a verb now?”
Little Miss Witty: “It has become a whole new thing.”
The story goes like this:
Mama Witty is always emailing Little Miss Witty something along the lines of “You should go out with this boy. He lives in DC and I gave his mother your email.” You would think the fact that they lived in different states would deter her—not so much. Little Miss Witty found this embarrassing—nay, mortifying—and asked her mother, repeatedly, to stop. She did not… until recently.
Lately Mama Witty had been restraining her yentaing ways and Little Miss Witty was claiming victory. She had won! Her mother was finally listening to her! No more emails about boys she should date! But just when she was about to count Mama Witty down and out, the yenta returned. And nothing could prepare Little Miss Witty for her mother’ s new strategy: Date men who had sons in their twenties… in order to set them up with her daughter.
Cut back to us:
Me: “She’s dating men with sons in order to set you up with them?”
Little Miss Witty: “She doesn’t care if she actually likes these men. If they have a cute son, she is in it to win it.”
Me: “Wow, I can’t decide whether she is a genius or out of her mind.”
Little Miss Witty: “It’s a toss up…”
Me: “Your mom takes ‘Do or do not. There is no try’ to a whole new level.”
Little Miss Witty: “Like I said, it’s a whole new thing.”
Me: “Well you will either get the brother you always wanted or a husband.”
Little Miss Witty: “Or both. Yuck—this can’t end well.”
Me: “May the force be with you…”
Little Miss Witty: “I’m going to need a lot more than the force.”
Me: “You can always join the dark side and take over the galaxy.”
Little Miss Witty: “I need real advice! Not ‘I’m going to use Star Wars references so I can put this in my blog’ advice.”
Me: “Star Wars is the only thing I’m selling today.”
These are the crazy things I tell people when trying to make their story fit with my blog theme.