look before you leap. am i right?
We’ll always have Paris.
This piece is cross-posted from Pregnant Pause, the blog of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
The Hollywood writer Joss Whedon famously responded to a question regarding why he writes about strong female characters by saying, “Because you’re still asking me…
Well… I think I’m hilarious.
THEY. EAT. BRAINS.
don’t do it.
Written by Stefanie and edited by Mary. Just like grad school- only funnier.
This report came to me from one of my many operatives in the field. They risk their lives to go behind enemy lines and collect vital intel. Meaning: They wait in line for beer at Nationals Stadium and eavesdrop. But the first one sounds so much more interesting, right? I really think I missed my calling as a spy. Except that I don’t like running…or guns, and I’m pretty bad at keeping secrets. But where was I? Oh right, getting ready to tell you about flirting as hostile takeover.
Field Report from Agent Standing In Line
At 16:00 hours Eastern Standard Time, the following conversation occurred between two possible assets.
Asset One: “He just kept texting her and texting her until he was a part of her life”.
In order to gain their trust and use them for information in the future, I made contact with the assets. “Wow, whatever you are talking about sounds terrifying.”
Asset Two: “We have a friend who met a bartender he wanted to date, but she had a boyfriend of about three years. He chatted her up long enough to get her phone number. Then, he just started texting her…all the time. He texted her every day, she texted back, just making small talk…until he was a part of her life.”
“What do you mean ‘part of her life’?” I asked, half riveted, half-terrified. They continued:
Asset One: “Well, he texted her all the time, and then one day he just stopped. Things had gone so far, she couldn’t help but wonder why she hadn’t heard from him. She worried about him, and inevitably became insecure about why they weren’t talking. When that happened, he knew he was a part of her life. It’s called The Siege.”
Bros have capitalized on emerging technology to spread their message beyond the bar they happen to be standing in. In addition, it has changed the power dynamics in the region. In the old world order, standard protocol would be for the Recruit to ignore the texts until the Recruiter got bored. Not the case here. The Recruit actively engaged in covert communication until she dumped the boyfriend of three years, and started dating Texty McGee…I mean the Recruiter.
In conclusion, men of the world have new tactic - The Siege. Ladies of the world, there is hope for you yet. You could find yourself happily in a relationship when, one day, a guy meets you, gets your number, texts you incessantly, steals you from your boyfriend, and keeps the luck of The Siege going.
What will they think of next?
Me: i wish i could just write “things that are bullshit”
Editor Meredith: so many things are bullshit
Me: SO MANY
chapter one: stupid trend pieces that get angry at 20-something women for being 20-something women
chapter two: the wedding industrial complex
chapter three: people who don’t spay and neuter their pets
chapter four: gnats
chapter five: why can’t i keep sheets looking nice?
chapter six: misogyny
I would by this book. Nay, I would contribute a chapter to this book.
Welcome to the theme of 2013
This is an accurate depiction of my current state of life in theater school right now.
If only it were THIS Stefanie. Sigh.
Awwww! Date This! Stephanie! Where ever you are! DATE THIS!!!